..the cold, hard-truth

January 06, 2011

It’s now three a.m.

I’m still fully awake. The massage was good but wasn’t good enough to lure me to sleep now. How come, I`m now reviving this old habit I tried to turn my back on after I lost you? Was it because I was inspired by Shielfa’s diaries? Im back on writing. Somehow, at one point I realized I must have move on from you. But it is not the case either. Only I found out more how lousy my writing and English had become. As if it was any better in the first place. *sulks*

Yes, I was inspired by her diaries. I want her writing so bad. So bad that I want her style; so damn bad, just to write and describe how I still keep you in that one special corner in me.

Oh, digging up to this old habit only brings me to the cold, hard-truth. The months had taken their turns. The year is new.

Still, it is all about you.

before sunrise

2:30 AM

drizzles poured that night. heavens were one with me. they cried for me earlier because i couldn't.

the living room scene. watching both tv and laptop. he reminisces his days in a foreign land. i pretend to listen, watch. i told myself, anytime he would be leaving and we're making the most of what time left for us. and this body beside me, who had been a friend, a comfort, a great buddy, and everything else that a person can be who can give you 'wonderful times', would surely be away from me any moment soon.

we never had our Canibad plan.
had it been pursued, the days and nights will be quite longer.
and today, will not be the moment of truth yet.

i dread the following hours that will come. no more morning chat. no more 'routine' dinners and dates in the parks.

i wanted to stop time.
but i know i have to let go.
if letting go was the best thing to do that moment, only time will tell.

we waited for a taxi outside. drizzles continue to pour. as if they are the ones shedding tears for me which i cannot do at that moment. no. not in front of him. fortitude.

the taxi came.
im faking smiles.
he went inside.
the taxi moved on as he wave goodbye inside.
i wave goodbye too as i turned my back heading for the gate
tears runned down on my cheeks.

this is my second entry about the guy i mentioned who texted me.
funny how life brings us surprises.

things will be different now.
i must admit i will surely miss him.
things just came too soon...


feb. 14,2010

Hello 2010!

Hi,

It's me. I'm back. From this day on, I will start blogging again. It's not going to be a daily entry, can't promise that. I'll do it when there is time or when I want to vent out my feelings, etc. I just thought that it would be good if I keep a record of how things will go this year for me. Whether I have healed, improved, or what. Sometimes, it's just good to see or monitor if there's any progress in one's life. Or at least, I thought so.. Or maybe I was just inspired by the Julie and Julia movie or what. Anyway, so much had been said, but what I want to write on this blog for now, aside from the welcome note are my NY resolutions. Here they are:
1. Save
2. Read
3. Take time to be pretty (buy clothes, put make up)
4. .. and get *********

and by the way, the target guy has emailed me.. yiheee!!! way to go! wish me luck!

The Journey

and yes, im definitely going.
to the northern star, to the eastern woods
i will think of it more as a journey;
to heal myself, from the cruel world you made me feel..
and as always, i will wait for that day.
the time, i can look you in the eye,
i love thee no more.

movies online streaming

watching The East is Red...

movies watched online streaming:
mama mia
gone with the wind
love actually
slumdog millionaire
drumline
wolverine
love in the time of cholera